Four letters that say as much in context as out of.
Tone will tell you a lot, too.
But we use it everyday, in everyday conversation. Sometimes we mean it, and other times it’s a defense to stop the questions.
We see the tears and we know they should stop but the only way out is that little four letter word.
I say I’m fine so many times a day, whether or not I mean it. I’ve gone days without telling anyone the truth that I was in pain, that I was worried, that I was watching Life’s latest curveball smash into my face.
It probably doesn’t help that I live in the South, where your first words after ‘Hello,’ are ‘how are you?’ Sometimes you actually want to know (let’s be honest, you’re nosey like me) and other times you haven’t even registered the words came out of your mouth on autopilot.
Unfortunately, that behavior doesn’t exactly encourage people to reach out when they really do have a problem. When all they are asking for is help, an anchor, a stick (my favorite therapist explanation ever BTW). Because all someone in that state is looking for is something to hold onto. To bring them back.
It’s been interesting to watch my parents over the last six months as they realize that each of their children has depression and we all deal with it differently. I can’t speak for my siblings, but I can say mine.
Writing is my stick. It’s putting poems on the internet to let other people see and judge and like or not. Even my dad does sometimes — he doesn’t like the ones with all the swearing. But then again, he doesn’t like how I eat my ice cream so I take his jests at will.
I write my whole day down, all the little things that bugged me, that I thought were funny, that was the phrasing I needed. Every day needed to feel like its own.
Even the use of microblogging (multiple updates a day kind of stuff, short and sweet) can actually help with depression if it’s used a certain way.
This is the bite-size article here. There are other ones actually in scientific journals but you have to have access to their database and as I am no longer affiliated with any colleges I do not have such cheat codes…
And the little things add up. I’m looking at the end of the month and trying to pick my most memorable moment. Sure there were any ’10’ moments this month, but I have a couple ‘7’s that need to be recognized. Being a grown up and going to the dentist, dealing with my car insurance (all the swear words), or finishing my move halfway across the country. But you want to know why this month was better?
I stopped saying fine. I started telling the truth even if people started tuning me out because they were just bystanders and didn’t really care. I got pity about my tooth sometimes, and congrats on finishing the move, and sympathy for dealing with my car insurance being special (you know the kind I’m talking about).
Insta peeps said nothing about my couch but that is neither here nor there.
I acknowledged the things that were bad instead of shoving them to the back of my closet like flip-flops I never wear.
And I did something about it. Sure, some of those things were little or a bunch of little steps that got me somewhere.
Just like keeping up putting out posts that it came out to 10 this month. WHICH was my goal.
So one more thing down, another to go.